Here we are, finally! The love. We must understand love in Scripture to truly understand our Abba Father and our relationship with him because our Abba Father is defined AS love. The Holy Bible, translated into English, fails believers in many ways, especially with the word love. The differences in the meaning of the word love between the ancient Greek in the New Testament and the modern English translations are dramatic. A word borrow of the original language instead of fuzzy translations of the critical words would better serve the world.
1 John 4:7-16 sets the stage for love in our relationship with our Abba Father, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is begotten of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. Herein was the love of God manifested in us, that God hath sent his only begotten Son into the world that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man hath beheld God at any time: if we love one another, God abideth in us, and his love is perfected in us: hereby we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have beheld and bear witness that the Father hath sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God abideth in him, and he in God. And we know and have believed the love which God hath in us. God is love; and he that abideth in love abideth in God, and God abideth in him.“
1 John 4:7-16 needs to be burned into our hearts along with what the word love means. Those verses clarify that believers know what loving our Abba Father or anyone else means in the Scripture. People seem to have their own meaning, which cannot work, as we will see with Jesus and Peter after Jesus’ resurrection.
Most marriages appear to result from a couple “falling in love.” It is imperative for a godly marriage that we understand what love means in our Abba Father’s eyes for our relationship with him, in marriage, and with each other. John knows this relationship better than any human and refers to God as God, not Abba Father, encouraging our calling him by the name God. Our entire Chapter 7 explains our relationship with our Abba Father so that we can know him as John knew him.
The Old Testament gave us Adonai and LORD to talk to him in a relationship, and the New Testament gives us “Abba Father.” Our Abba Father has shown us in Scripture what John knew in person walking with Jesus, but he is talking about God, not talking to God. Please move into the close, intimate relationship our Abba Father created when speaking to him.
If we didn’t also love ice cream so much, we would be more likely to ask how Jesus could love his church the same as a husband loves his wife. Love is a word we spread over too many meanings in English, and perhaps that is why many marriages and believers suffer. The Apostle Paul has much to say about love with our Abba Father and his Son.
Our key to understanding love in the Scripture is that the Greek language uses four relevant words, agape, phillia, storge, and eros, to cover meanings that English covers with only the one word, love. And none apply to ice cream. Most believers have heard the word “agape” as the Greek word for our Abba Father’s love, but for too many, all they know is that it must be enormous. However, before we dive into agape, we need to park a train of thought that can otherwise confuse our understanding.
Eros is one of the four Greek words translated as love in English. God’s children apply eros to describe the passionate attraction that our Abba Father created to encourage God’s children to reproduce in marriage. It is from where the word erotic is derived. When couples talk about falling in love, they typically feel an intimate sexual attraction to each other, eros.
When we base a marriage on earthly eros feelings, life can quickly diminish that attraction. Since eros is considered the primary separator between friends and lovers, eros can quickly destroy a marriage. How many times have we heard a spouse say, “I no longer love you in ‘that way.'” Eros is also destructive when it gets out of control and leads a spouse astray outside the marriage. If we substitute lust for eros, it will help us understand.
It may come as a surprise, but the word eros never appears in Scripture. My Holy Spirit-driven thought is that our Abba Father does not use eros because the word is not worthy of the magnificence of what he created for sanctified marriage. I repeat that thought; the word eros may not be worthy of the magnificence of what our Abba Father created for sanctified marriage.
Every possible destructive application of eros by God’s children is revealed in Genesis and is the evidence used to justify the great flood. Sexual sin is abhorrent to our Abba Father because what he created is holy and worthy.
When believers see the glory of what our Abba Father created, it will elevate sanctified marriage to where our Abba Father intended it to be. And people, especially young people, will understand how much they destroy their life by casual eros sex out of wedlock. We include a message in S8M1 for teens to help parents and teens navigate that development period.
One of the reasons eros and lustful temptations are so hard to fight is that there appears to be no defined godly replacement to work toward. The point of this book is to fill that gap with the glory of our Abba Father. We conclude that eros should be driven entirely out of Christian life as a tool of the enemy and instead focus 100% on sanctified marriage.
Now let’s return to godly love, agape, about which Paul has much to say. We pray that sanctified marriage, a concept for all believers, single or married, will fill the void as we bring to life our relationship with our Abba Father, and we start to obey him in a far greater glory to him.
Let’s start with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 presented with agape as a word borrow. “Agape suffereth long, and is kind; agape envieth not; agape vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil; rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.“
That is likely the most repeated Scripture in marriage vows but notice no “emotion” or “feeling” involved. It is all about doing and being. Feelings are reactions to external stimuli, and suffering, envy, rejoicing, etc., are to be self-controlled toward a positive result in agape love.
Emotions come from our minds with the big four: fear, happiness, sadness, and anger. And that is the first key to understanding agape love. It is an “obedient love” response to our Abba Father’s will. It not only has no emotional or feeling content, but it is also a specific call by our Abba Father to control our feelings and emotions that hurt others.
That does not mean that we do not have emotional reactions to our Abba Father; it means that they do not define the meaning of the love our Abba Father describes in great detail, which is why we parked eros in its emotional/feeling space with the enemy. The more I think about emotions and feelings as the most prominent tool of the enemy, the more I see the importance of agape love.
Agape is love because of what it does, not how it feels. Agape is an exercise of the will, a deliberate choice. We love our Abba Father and show our love by obeying him. A mother who loves a sick baby will stay up all night caring for it, which is not something she wants to do, and it doesn’t feel good, but it is an actual act of agape love or doing love.
Jesus did not want the skin on his back ripped off with a scourge. He did not want to be hung on a cross to suffocate to death or want a spear thrust into his side. But he obeyed in agape love for both his Abba Father and us and did it.
Agape loving someone is to obey our Abba Father on that someone’s behalf, seeking a long-term blessing and profit for them. That is how our Abba Father can command us to agape our enemies (Matt. 5:44; Exod. 23:1-5). He is not commanding us to “have a good feeling” for our enemies but to act as called in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Go back to that Scripture and realize that we can apply everything to an enemy.
We know that we agape our Abba Father by keeping the commandment to actually “do love.” Jesus said in John 14:21, “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that agape me: . . .” (Technically with grammar, “agapōn.”) Some believers say they love God, but their lifestyle is contrary to the will of God. Those people mistake a feeling of affection for God for agape love. Jesus clarified, “He who does not love me will not obey my teaching . . . ” (John 14:24). In other words, he will not do the love.
As a biblical counselor, I have a front-row seat to see the damage that emotions and feelings run amuck can cause. And my conclusion is that the starting point for change must be committing to sanctified marriage and our position as the bride of Christ. In ELB, we address our feelings and relationships in the context of our earthly life and happiness.
Psychology is the epitome of ELB. There is no Holy Spirit in ELB, and agape is the first fruit of the Holy Spirit. Paul gives us our game plan in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; they are a definition of agape and our starting point in sanctified marriage.
One last critical point on agape is that our Abba Father agapes us! Take some time to review all his promises about life and redemption and realize that he is agape, and he agapes us. When our Abba Father says he loves us, he says he will do everything he said he would do for us. Agape is his promise. Our Message on how our Abba Father uses his names to relate to us is all about his promises. I hope you will start to see that “God IS love” means he keeps his promises.
Too many believers see our Abba Father loving us as a connection or an emotion separate from his promises, and people treat it as just words. It helps us relate to our Abba Father when we know what he says he means. Our Abba Father loves us BY keeping his promises, not loves us, AND keeps his promises. But we must understand that all the promises come with a caveat; they mainly only apply to things that glorify our Abba Father.
One promise, in particular, weakens our relationship with our Abba Father, what I call a “doubt source. Everything I write comes from a doubt or a wonder about Scripture. “Doubt sources are verses that need context to understand, they cannot stand alone, and I strive to eliminate all doubt sources in Scripture.
Mathew 7:7-8, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Too many believers grab onto “ask and you shall receive” (Mat7:7- 8) without any understanding. But three verses later, Mathew 7:11, “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” He gives good things that glorify him.
This is subtle, but Jesus clarifies his sermon to illustrate that only things judged good by our Abba Father will be given. James 4:3 says, “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may spend it in your pleasures.” Another helpful passage is 1 John 5:14, “And this is the boldness which we have toward him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us.” You have now taken a giant leap of spiritual growth with understanding, “ask according to his will,” which further underscores our created purpose of glorifying our Abba Father.
Back to love in sanctified marriage. If spouses said “I agape you” to each other, there would be “iron in their words.” Chief Ten Bears referred to “iron in our words” in the movie Outlaw Josey Wales, which has always had significant meaning to me (clearly Holy Spirit inspired). The concept of agape that comforts me the most is knowing how to love our Abba Father. When we surrender to him, we obey him and love him. We are not earning his love; we are expressing our love in surrender. And in surrender, we agree to say “I do” in the sanctified marriage.
That has been an incredible faith and life changer, unwavering confidence in my love for our Abba Father and his love for me. Agape should be the distinctive character of the believer’s life. Hopefully, by now, you are starting to see the level of commitment and the life script contained in sanctified marriage. “Christians and godly people are to be known for their agape toward one another” (John 13:35).
The second key to understanding agape is where it comes from. Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control; against such there is no law.” Agape is the first fruit of the Holy Spirit. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is the result of the Holy Spirit’s presence in the life of a believer. Notice the similarity between the fruit and Paul’s definition of agape. The joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are all in addition or supplemental to agape as fruits of the Holy Spirit.
Fruit is the natural result of growth in faith. And “of the Spirit” explains exactly who causes that growth. It’s not our striving or straining but the power of the Holy Spirit. No amount of toil or determination can produce spiritual fruit, but the Spirit’s influence in a yielded heart will work miracles. We cannot produce agape without the Holy Spirit’s help, which is why ELB is so devastating.
Affection is a feeling. Understanding love in Scripture is critical to our relationship with our Abba Father, who is love, and we need to explore the other two Greek words for love in Scripture, philia, and storge. Philia love means “to have a special interest in someone or something, with focus on close association; have affection for, like, consider someone a friend.”
Like agape, it would probably be helpful if philia were never translated as “love” in the New Testament because it refers to a strong liking or friendship. We can see how philia gets translated as “love,” because in modern culture, we say we “love” things that we strongly like: “I love ice cream,” “I love my car,” “I love the way your hair looks,” etc. The word philia does imply a strong emotional connection and is the “love,” of deep friendship between friends.
The difference between agape and philia love becomes evident in John 21:15-17 NKJV when Jesus confronts Peter after Jesus comes back from the grave. In this example, we can see how using the single word “love” obscures their conversation’s true and dramatically deeper meaning.
After coming back from the grave, Jesus met Peter. Here is the short version of what they said to each other, and notice Jesus demotes Peter back to Simon. Jesus says, “Simon…do you agape me more than these” (the fish just caught)? Jesus asked Simon if he loved him with a love that may require sacrifice. Jesus had just gone through horrendous torture for Simon’s sake and ours, something he did not want to do but did anyway because of his agape love.
Simon answers, “Yes, Lord; you know that I philia you.” Note the difference. Simon is trying to save his friendship, philia, with Jesus and does not understand what is happening. Simon did not understand much of what was going on in his walk with Jesus; I am not surprised.
Jesus asks Simon again, “Simon…do you…agape me?” Are you willing to do things you do not want to do for my sake? Simon answers, “Yes, Lord, you know that I philia you.” Peter is still thinking about Jesus as a friend and companion, but the third time that Jesus calls out to Simon is profound and lost when preachers tell us, “Peter denied Jesus three times so Jesus challenged him three times.” That seems close to malpractice because the ancient language is so filled with a revelation that it gives me goosebumps every time I share it.
The third time Jesus spoke to Simon, he came to Simon’s level and asked if Simon were indeed a true friend, “Simon…do you philia me?” Jesus knew what Simon did not know, that Jesus would ascend into Heaven soon. Peter and the other disciples must carry out his work on earth, requiring that they all be unified at that level of their understanding (pre-Holy Spirit and Abba Father) and do his will, even when it meant hardship and death.
Only when the Holy Spirit came did the disciples truly understand what was happening. Simon answered, (Grieved) “Lord…you know that I philia you.” By switching to philia in the third question, Jesus came down to Simon’s understanding and brought Simon back to the fold. That chapter is called the Restoration of Peter, and in English, we do not see the restoration in the conversation until John 21:19, “And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.“
I see the word philia, as spoken by Jesus to Simon, as an incredible relationship expressed by the word philia but lost in English. Jesus is the begotten Son of our Abba Father, and believers are adopted children, making us all philia brothers and sisters with each other, plus an extraordinary brother, Jesus. Let’s lift our lives to our Abba Father, not make him an accessory in ELB.
The fourth Greek word to understand is storge, which is the love and affection that naturally occurs between parents and children; it can exist between siblings and exists between husbands and wives in a sanctified marriage. Storge is family love.
Romans 12:9-10 NKJV includes all three Greek words, which significantly deepen our understanding of love in Scripture, “Love (agape) must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted (philostorgoi) to one another in love (philadelphia). Honor one another above yourselves.“
Philostorgos is a compound word made up of philos (the noun form of philia) and storge, and now you also know why Philadelphia is called the city of brotherly love. Brotherly love is what the Greek word means in English. Romans 12:9-10 is a significant passage, directing us to be loving and kind to each other as a family!
If we are going to have a godly life, obedient to the voice of our Abba Father and rich with fellowship with other believers, we need to exercise all four kinds of love. We need agape love because some of the things required of us are not fun or easy but need doing. We need to have philia love because we need true friends to stand with us, people who are emotionally connected to us and with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings to help control them in agape here on earth. We need to have storge love between us, a deep family affection that comforts us and helps us feel connected to our immediate genetic family and all our extended spiritual family. With these three loves adopted, we can quickly drive the enemies’ use of eros to defeat us out of our lives for good. (Dual meaning of “good” intended.)
