The true joy of undertaking this project is how it helps bring our relationship with our Abba Father to life. “And Yahweh God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate for him.” (Genesis 2:18). I like the translation “helpmate” better than “helper.” But as we move toward joining life with a comparable helpmate and creating a new life as believers, we must turn to our Abba Father for his specific directions in that endeavor. Turning to Him for the answers we know are there should become the foundation of our earth-life phase with our Abba Father, married or single. Please pray on that.
This book sets the stage for our sanctified marriage by pointing to both the union of Christ and the church and our union with Christ as believers that our Abba Father presents as a marriage. Ephesians 5:30-32, “because we are members of his body. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church. That is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
That image is our bedrock for sanctified marriage with our Abba Father. S7M5 pointed us to the obedient nature of agape love as Jesus walked into death in obedient love for both our Abba Father and us. Agape love is the heart of our relationship with our Abba Father and sanctified marriage.
If we say that Jesus “submitted” to our Abba Father, does that make you slightly uncomfortable? It did to me for a while. Jesus submitting? Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1, and Colossians 3:18 all say, “Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands,” and that command needs to be understood in the context of our relationship with our Abba Father. Not the reaction too many people first experience when hearing the verse, “the woman is a lesser being in a marriage.”
Just as the difference between agape love and obedience is indistinguishable in agape love, so is the case with the word submit. Men do not “rule” the marriage; they have a vast love mountain to climb to be worthy. S8M6: The Proverbs 31 Woman reinforces that further.
If a famous philanthropist wanted to give a woman a million dollars with no strings, would she “submit” to that offer and accept it? Our Abba Father offers us redemption, and we submit to that offer gladly as believers. In sanctified marriage, we apply all of our Abba Father’s will. The wife submits to her husband in the context of all our Abba Father’s commands. Romans 8:28, “And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose.”
Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1, and Colossians 3:18 are not the place to start our marriage counseling, but I like to address the harmful ELB thoughts before beginning a lesson, as we did with eros love. Our Abba Father’s words on our being his children must come first for a couple to bring his words into sanctified marriage.
We must study Paul’s letter to the Ephesians to mine its full wisdom. Ephesians opens with an incredible prayer seeking said wisdom. Here is a portion, Ephesians 1:17-21, “that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your (f)understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,” Use the prayer often.
In Ephesians chapters 2-3, Paul talks about faith and Christ being for both Jews and non-Jews, a vital transition topic from the Old to the New Covenant at the time. We assume that the reader has some faith as we continue, but if not, perhaps continued reading will draw the Holy Spirit to you and start your faith journey with our Abba Father.
In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul asks us fervently and urgently (beseech), “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.“
“The unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” is loaded with our Abba Father. We are in Christ, and Christ is in us as one body. The “The unity of the Spirit,” is the structure of our relationship with our Abba Father. The verse also carries in it the theme of “love others as I have loved you” (John 13:34, 15:12), Jesus’ one commandment (“the bond of peace”).
That is the image of marriage for all believers. With Christ and spouses and with each other, it results from unity and peace with each other. Ephesians 5 continues with more beseeching to walk in love, light, and wisdom into marriage.
Verse 5:1-2 is titled “Walk in Love.” “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.“
Verse 5:8-9, titled “Walk in Light,” “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth,”
Verse 5:15-17, titled “Walk in Wisdom,” “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.“
Verse 5:22-24, titled “Marriage—Christ and the Church.” “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.“
We have arrived at the buzz kill “submit” verse and the beginning of sanctified marriage in the Scripture. But before we go further into that journey, I am moved first to take a side trip that will help us attain our goal. HOW you choose WHO you marry determines the starting point for a sanctified marriage. Any believing couple can do it from any starting point if they choose.
God’s children have disobeyed our Abba Father since creation, so we make no pretense that most readers will be very high on the righteousness scale. Sanctified marriage is for all believers to step into no matter how ungodly their earth lives may be in the beginning because the Prodigal Father is who our living, loving Abba Father is. Two people becoming one (marriage) is the perfect opportunity to jumpstart a weak faith if both spouses will be committed to our Abba Father in sanctified marriage.
I will repeat sanctification here to have the most impact. Sanctification means to be set apart for holy use, to make holy or to purify. When we are told to be more like Christ, sanctification is what is meant; our never-ending goal and first purpose in the earth phase of our lives. I have never understood how to be “more like Jesus,” he is God! But striving to be more righteous, holy, and obedient comes with clear instructions.
Go back to the beginning of Ephesians 5 and see “walk in love, light, and wisdom.” Both spouses must be committed to that walk into sanctified marriage, a lifelong journey. That is how we become sanctified and have a sanctified marriage that glorifies our Abba Father.
In theory, believers are supposed to be already living a life that seeks personal sanctification, but that is too often not the case as people stop at just the believing and worship parts and live mainly in ELB. Only about 11% of married couples meet each other in church, and I attribute that to the small candidate pool size. It would well serve our Abba Father would growing that percentage.
It would seem churches could and should do more to teach about being sanctified and sanctified marriage, especially with young people. Too many churches assume the congregation understands that sanctification, not knowledge, is the reason for the sermons.
Work and school are the traditional meeting grounds for couples, and online is also now a norm. The chances are that the readers of this program have already chosen each other following the usual ELB habits. Each person will have their position in the sanctification process.
The one flesh journey into sanctified marriage is an earth-life-long journey meant to glorify our Abba Father, and it can help sanctify a couple like nothing else. Couples must come into sanctified marriage willing to seek and walk in the godly love, light, and wisdom Paul describes.
Some verses in Scripture can stand alone when quoted, commandments being the apparent and tools such as the whole armor of God as well. But too many verses are used as exit ramps from Scripture, and “wives submit to your husbands” is at the top of the list, mainly because it has four more words usually ignored, “as to the Lord.”
In sanctified marriage, the wife submits to our Abba Father in submitting to her husband; it is not just about the husband. And when the husband submits to our Abba Father in obedient agape AND “agapes” his wife as commanded, the result is an incredible marriage as our Abba Father promises. Please pray on that.
Ephesians 5 defines the husband’s charge in 5:25-27, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.“
We will also repeat 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.“
Our Abba Father’s calling to the husband is enormous in a sanctified marriage, and it is easier to understand once agape love is understood. But also remember that the “one flesh” is still two Spirit lives with our Abba Father. The amount of work put on the husband by our Abba Father to be worthy of a wife’s submission is enormous; the husband does not get his “me” back in Eph 5:22.
Let’s come back to “as to the Lord.” At all times, both spouses are first obedient to our Abba Father; we can never separate that focus. The husband is living up to his duties to the wife. The wife is living up to her responsibilities to the husband. Both submit to our Abba Father. So let’s continue the dive.
Ephesians 5:33 ends the letter’s contribution to sanctified marriage with another important word, “respect,” “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” This line reveals that wives seek love in marriage and husbands seek respect, two different things with profound results.
That is the only verse in the Scripture where the meaning of the Greek “phobētai” (respect) is used in reference to marriage. It means “to revere, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience.” It also is the only occurrence where the word is used as a verb in present tense, subjunctive mood, middle or passive voice.
The last line is just scholars showing off; the point is that there is more to sanctified marriage than agape; there are subtleties within the relationship as well. The subtleties are better served in their chapter, One Flesh and Sanctified Marriage, as our goal here is to establish our Abba Father’s directions for sanctified marriage.
