Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Mathew 19:5-6, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.“
Our sanctified marriage project acknowledges the realities of the flesh in this world and seeks to bolster a couple’s ability to rise above it in sanctified marriage. Having never met a non-pastor person who has thought about the magnitude of what one flesh means, we must dive in.
Our sanctified marriage presentation aims to bridge the gap between our Abba Father’s two worlds, earthly children and spirit, which is our context here. The word flesh is used in Scripture to describe a human being or a creature. It is also used to describe the source of sin in humans. The flesh is the opposite of our spirit, so we have to start from the top with our Abba Father-connected spirit and work our way down to the flesh, or we risk him being only an accessory to this life.
God created us to glorify him and gave us work to do in Eden and the entire earth. “And Yahweh God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate for him.” (Genesis 2:18). God created “marriage” in the very beginning as the ultimate in teamwork. Husband and wife are designed to complement each other (helpmates), but one flesh goes far beyond that.
Let’s focus on “helper,” a word that can mean a lesser or greater position in our ELB minds. How we see ourselves can skew how we view a helper wife, so we must see what our Abba Father means. The Hebrew word “ezer” is a military term that comes from a position of supply or strength and can mean rescue. Jesus called the Holy Spirit a “helper” for us; clearly, the Holy Spirit is not a lesser helper.
The old King James says a wife is “comparable” to the husband, and others say she is suitable or fit. The bottom line is that the wife is our Abba Father’s “good design” for the husband, and we can glorify him by seeing what he created, neither greater nor lesser, in position as one flesh. In a sanctified marriage, it is easy to see that the skills can be divided to make a worthy one-flesh union that calls on our Abba Father to bring his good design to us. When we choose a spouse just to meet the desires of our flesh, expect trouble.
The old KJV version also says, “and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The ancient word for cleave, join, etc., means to glue together. When we glue two pieces together, the result is all of both. We talked about turning the separate me or my desires of each spouse into we, us, and ours. In other words, we take on life together in expressed agreement. We accomplish that by glorifying our Abba Father, serving him, obeying him, and doing his work in the kingdom is first and integral to the marriage, i.e., a sanctified marriage.
Almost all churches have a published doctrine to unify the church because arguments about our Abba Father can be very destructive. Major disagreements require us to find a church with a compatible doctrine, not stay and argue. Doctrines help us identify significant differences in our beliefs. Each spouse can have their own doctrine and glorify God, but they cannot be one flesh with different doctrines. This concept applies not only to all godly doctrines but also to all the idols of the flesh. The idols of the flesh are the main problem for humans in marriage.
When I say doctrine or idol, I am talking about the things we hold dear or how we define ourselves. How many couples can you name with significant differences about life (doctrine or idols)? A spouse with an idol of achievement at work at the expense of the family? How many of their spouses sacrifice their life for the marriage? How many spouses suffer from substance abuse while the other enables it? How many spouses need alone time?
If contemplating marriage or seeking to transform a marriage into a sanctified marriage, a one-flesh review of life is a helpful process to walk through. Life is full of compromise for our earthly feelings, but only the settlement that takes the couple into one flesh will glorify our Abba Father and bring all his blessings, joy, and peace. One flesh is impossible in these circumstances, yet with awareness and application, it can lead to the solution.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife.” Everything in one flesh is giving, not receiving. A spouse can give in love to the other spouse free time to fish, golf, see friends, go to school, etc., and even be alone. But our “me” must never take them in selfishness.
One spouse can’t “do their thing,” and the other resents or tolerates it and glorify our Abba Father. Only giving in love will glorify him in one flesh. Hopefully, you can see how his concept of one flesh with love and unity provides the pattern to identify and resolve any issue a couple faces by repositioning different doctrines and idols into love and gifts of love. If a marriage cannot do this, the marriage is in trouble.
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Got it? Great! When a marriage is brought to our Abba Father, all the tools needed to make it last are provided by him. Obviously, a marriage based on sexual attraction and eros love is in trouble from the beginning, and the divorce rate confirms this. Our Abba Father’s design of one flesh will reveal quickly what the future of any marriage holds.
But best of all, the process of going through the steps of glorifying our Abba Father for a sanctified marriage can lift anyone into the relationship he intended for us with him, married or not. This process is for everyone to use in all situations of life where we relate to others as friends or co-workers or in need.
We get caught up in the traditional marriage ceremony with where it is, and the focus, the church, the preacher, the bride, the music, the guests, etc., all focused on the bride. Marriage is so important that I want to make sure we understand how much marriage means to our Abba Father and emphasize that it is a covenant that he oversees. That is why our sanctified marriage vow is made to our Abba Father, not to each other.
My point is not to diminish the traditional ceremony. Still, I can only say how much the Holy Spirit is leading me to lift the marriage ceremony more upward to our Abba Father and include his presence more intimately. That feels so good in spirit.
Malachi 2:13-16, “And this again ye do: ye cover the altar of Yahweh with tears, with weeping, and with sighing, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, neither receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because Yahweh hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously, though she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did he not make one, although he had the residue of the Spirit? And wherefore one? He sought a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For I hate putting away, saith Yahweh, the God of Israel, and him that covereth his garment with violence, saith Yahweh of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”
We know our Abba Father hates divorce, but that soundbite is too simple for most people to consider, as evidenced by the divorce data. Malachi shows us our Abba Father in retreat from us when the marriage goes astray from him. Driving our Abba Father away, even though forgiven by Jesus, is not the relationship to strive for with our Abba Father. He wants better, and we miss out on his full glory when we drive him away. The answer is to enter marriage in a godly way and continue to live it in his design, glorifying him.
In ancient times, the marriage did not result from the meeting, dating, and falling-in-love cycle we see today. Dating did not exist as a leisure pastime. As God’s children progressed from hunting/gathering to agriculture/corralled animals, and then to industrialization, the pathway to marriage changed and eliminated the parent’s role except for their opinion and the budget.
It is not clear the church has adjusted enough to the structural changes of society to defeat the enemy’s attack on faith and marriage. Sanctified marriage may well be the catalyst to change Christian behavior across the board because it applies to all believers living as the bride to our Groom, Jesus Christ, and the human union.
It seems ironic that the Apostle Paul, the expert on marriage, did not get married. Still, Peter and other Apostles did. 1 Cor 9:5, “Have we no right to lead about a wife that is a believer, even as the rest of the apostles, and the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?” Paul’s reason was that he was 100% dedicated to his work for our Abba Father as a leader. Paul recognized that is not everyone’s call, 1 Corinthians 7:7, “Yet I would that all men were even as I myself. Howbeit each man hath his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that.“
I lifted v7:3-5 out of 1 Corinthians to highlight its glory and reveal the power of “one flesh” in practicing v7:3-5. Without the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment, Paul’s presentation of marriage may not look as sanctified as we expect. Still, his context in 1 Corinthians 7 is inventing the church and a great example of our Abba Father working through people. It is only in the context of doing our Abba Father’s work on the frontline that Paul gives marriage a lower priority.
Society raises everyone today in the culture of secular marriage. The glory of our Abba Father is that it is never too late. The opportunity is available to re-tool all marriages into sanctified marriages that glorify our Abba Father with the concept of one flesh as the goal. Review all the doctrines and idols that define your life and convert them into love and gifts of love and godly partnership.
