“How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights! This thy stature is like to a palm-tree, And thy breasts to its clusters. I said, I will climb up into the palm-tree, I will take hold of the branches thereof: Let thy breasts be as clusters of the vine, And the smell of thy breath like apples, And thy mouth like the best wine, That goeth down smoothly for my beloved, Gliding through the lips of those that are asleep. I am my beloved’s; And his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; Let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; Let us see whether the vine hath budded, And its blossom is open, And the pomegranates are in flower: There will I give thee my love.”
So what do you think, the words of Daniel Steel, Nora Roberts, or our Abba Father? The answer is our Abba Father, and the above passage is from the Song of Songs 7:6-12. If this book were first discovered with the Dead Sea Scrolls, it would have been included with other ancient Egyptian love poetry written in its time. But it was not; it is part of the Old Testament Canon.
Something amazing about the Song of Songs is the number of Christian scholars that see it also as an allegory for the relationship of Christ, the groom with his church, and the bride as described in the Revelation of Jesus Christ, just as Hebrew scholars see it as an allegory for God and Israel. Our Abba Father created marriage to be a relationship that is so special that it brings us as close to our Abba Father on earth as possible. Please pray on that thought.
Our Abba Father betrothed Christ to us. As we head into marriage, it should be evident that any approach to marriage other than a sanctified marriage created and directed by him for his children will fall short.
But the gloriously infinite grace of our Abba Father is such that existing marriages and engagements, which I call “for better or worse” marriages, can all be transformed into sanctified marriages and leave conventional psychology and counseling behind. The Song of Songs presented by our Abba Father reveals an intimacy superior to the selfish, impersonal, ephemeral “eros” coupling many believers engage. It is our prayer that all believers strive for a sanctified marriage.
We also pray that young people learn about sanctified marriage and understand how important it is to wait for it in glory to our Abba Father because it is so worthy. Too many people, especially young people, do not know what they are throwing away when engaging in casual sex.
Sexual sin is so prevalent in the Scripture that it is easy to miss that our Abba Father created a godly expression of physical intimacy that is so wonderful that it transcends the earthly eros coupling. The mutual delight in physical beauty and sexual expression is all part of the creation that our Abba Father declared was “very good.”
The Song of Songs is a celebration of our Abba Father’s creation that was sung for the harvest festivals, Hebrew weddings, and important family gatherings in ancient times and should be the foundation of intimacy in sanctified marriage today.
Rabbi Aqiba, an esteemed first-century Jewish scholar, gives us a perspective on the importance of the Song of Songs that goes far beyond the typical description of one of the five wisdom books in the Canon. To quote the Rabbi in the Jewish Mishnah (2nd Century writing included in the Talmud):
“The whole world is not worth the day on which the Song of Songs was given to Israel, for all the Scriptures are holy, but the Song of Songs is the Holy of Holies.” This Hebrew construction means the Song of Songs is the best Song ever written. Please pray on that. A little more about the Song:
“In the first century, at the Council of Jamnia, Jewish sages gathered to consider what texts should be included in the sacred scriptures. Rabbi Aqiba, an esteemed Jewish scholar, persuasively argued that the Song of Songs was divine writ; indeed, that this great work was the apex of Jewish Scripture. For the Jews of this period the Song of Songs was a set of poems on the sanctity of love and of the love of God for Israel.
Christians saw in this text an allegory for the intimate relationship between Christ and the church. The eloquent lyricism of the Song’s poetry and the lush descriptions of the physical and spirit union between the lover and the beloved express the profound passion of the lover of God’s children, Jesus, for each human being. Our Abba Father, the lover of his children, woos and animates all loving relationships.” (http://www.virtualmuseum.ca/sgc-cms)”
Our Abba Father’s purpose of sex in marriage is to grow an intimacy that grows godliness. No other human relationship comes close. Our previous chapters highlight the enormity of godliness built into a sanctified marriage, providing a spirit and physical experience that glorifies our Abba Father and produces immediate reward and satisfaction.
Ecclesiastes 9:9, “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of thy life of vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all thy days of vanity: for that is thy portion in life, and in thy labor wherein thou laborest under the sun.”
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” Picture your relationship with our Abba Father producing a similar experience to marital intimacy and realize how rewarding it is for a couple to work together in glorifying our Abba Father in all of their lives! That is an incredible realization.
It has to lead to mutual joy, and couples should seriously consider doing Holy Bible study and prayer together and segue into an intimate experience. (I almost wrote “at the end of the day” in the previous line, but there is no reason to limit it.)
We looked at Paul’s letter to the Ephesians in the previous chapter. His first letter to the Corinthians can be a buzzkill if we do not realize he is addressing a church planted in the middle of a moral cesspool of pagan worshippers. In that context, I extract 7:3-5 which is titled “Principles of Marriage,” as Paul was separating marriage from evil to protect marriage.
“Let the husband render unto the wife her due: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent for a season, that ye may give yourselves unto prayer, and may be together again, that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinency.“
Paul is saying that intimacy in marriage is a giving experience, not a receiving experience, and it is mutual, equal, and godly. Hebrews 13:4, “Let marriage be had in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” An old joke asks, “Why don’t Baptists make love standing up?” “Because they are afraid someone will accuse them of dancing.” There are no taboos in the sanctified marriage bed when giving to each other as our Abba Father designed. When we look back on the Song, we see it is a shared experience.
Let’s go back to Genesis and review the creation. Verse 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The first meaning of “one flesh” is the physical intimacy of the sexual union established in creation. The next verse, 2:25 is essential, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” That is still the goal! Please pray on that.
But Genesis 3:7-10 changed the world, “And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig-leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of Yahweh God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of Yahweh God amongst the trees of the garden. And Yahweh God called unto the man, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.“
After the fall of Adam and Eve, a rock was thrown into the gears of intimacy. The enemy had his weapon and now does everything he can to promote more sex outside marriage and less sex inside. Sexual attraction untethered from our Abba Father became so out of control that it caused him to destroy his creation in the flood. And we are still born into a sinful world today and hear and read a Scripture that constantly reminds us of the immorality of our Abba Father’s children.
Today we have the opportunity to be born again as a new creation and be naked and unashamed in the marriage union with our Abba Father! But Jesus fixed it, and we must separate our marriage from the “old life” and live it in our new creation in glory to our Abba Father. Even before Jesus’ time, this is what our Abba Father prescribed, Proverbs 5:18-19, “Let thy fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of thy youth. As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love.”
I often refer to my phrase ELB, and we are at the point in this chapter where questions about the “how” details of godly intimacy start to form. There is a well-known ELB reference to a partner’s “needs” in intimacy that I wish to address because nothing drags us back to earth and away from living in our Abba Father’s spirit world more than focusing on one’s so-called “needs” in intimacy.
No solution to anything exists in focusing on a need. All answers are found in love, giving, trust, and communication that all together seek to glorify our Abba Father in the marriage. One spouse focusing on their needs is the opposite of what our Abba Father created in sanctified marriage. My point is that “need” is too strong a word as it tends to elevate itself above the love, giving, trust, and communication that actually lead to the solution. Focusing only on the so-called need is selfish and un-goldy, and it does not work. Stop doing that!
Before we close this chapter, I would like to dig a little deeper into the Song and encourage people to read it together until they embed it in their vision of marriage. First, the Song is not one narrative from beginning to end. It is six separate intimate engagements with a woman and her lover exploring their commitment, desire, fear, and passion while, in the process, presenting the affirmation of our Abba Father’s blessing on such explicit sexuality in marriage.
The Song is all about the feelings between two lovers. The Song draws us into the experience with the lovers, and we walk with them as they move forward. The Song tells us nothing about the lovers, which makes walking with them easy for anyone.
Studying the Song is a different exercise from this writing. I believe it does the best job of presenting both the beauty and the explanation. I strongly recommend that couples buy a paper or electronic version of the commentary on the Song of Songs by Richard S. Hess. The electronic version allows notes to be captured and printed.
The reality is only God’s created purpose can achieve the satisfaction we long for in the intimacy of marriage, and the same is true for our marriage to Christ. Only a couple committed to a sanctified marriage can get as close to Heaven on earth as can be imagined. Only by loving and obeying our Abba Father can we find the joy and peace he promises on earth. And after the earthly season of our eternal life with him is over, we move into Heaven in the final step of our relationship with him.
