Our vows in sanctified marriage are to our Abba Father. ELB is the enemy of marriage and the effect of an ELB marriage on children perpetuates itself. This chapter is toward the end because we want every possible growth in our relationship with our Abba Father to occur before stepping into sanctified marriage because it is set apart and holy. And incredible!
“The principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness, and spirit hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12) require that we acknowledge them in the context of sanctified marriage. There is an enormity of study and data on marriage failure so we will take a look at the common problem areas and then bring them into the context of sanctified marriage, one flesh, and an enemy trying to infect everyone.
We included the messages on our Abba Father’s Spirit Creation in Chapter 3 because embracing it is essential to our relationship with him. Believers with ELB tend to ignore the spirit world and many others who acknowledge it only do so at the minimum with Satan and angels.
Our question is, how do we engage the ELB that Paul presents to us with such great confidence? Sanctified marriage requires that we defeat ELB, be it in the context of our spouse, our neighbors or our Abba Father.
Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (of the flesh) but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ . . . “
Sixteen subjects are addressed below and every one of them is shaped by our thoughts. S3M2 includes a message on our GCS, how the soul and mind are controlled by our heart with our conscience, guided by our connection to Jesus. That is the context in which all thinking should take place as believers, “bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ . . . “
The minute a thought comes into our head, we need to stop it and weigh it against the word of our Abba Father. If it is a sinful thought, in the name of Jesus, drive the enemy out of your head. Not just the thought, the entire enemy invasion. Mathew 4:10, “Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.”
By conquering death, Jesus has already defeated the enemy and Jesus in us allows us to call on his name to send the enemy away from us. But the enemy is not in the pit of fire yet, he is still trying to take as many of us with him as he can, just as we are called to bring as many as we can to Heaven. The weaker are faith is, the fewer of those around join the family. That is the point of life on earth.
Many believers confuse our Abba Father’s teaching on resisting temptation with trials and tribulations. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” The solution to temptation is to escape it, not fight it. If it is a thought, purge it; if it is a human, remove one of you instantly and go to our Abba Father. To many just stay in our head’s willpower instead of looking to Abba Father in temptation for strength.
The answers to marriage problems are in the Scripture, not in secular psychology and marriage/family counseling founded on ELB and self. Biblical counseling has come into its own in the last fifty years and is the only answer for a sanctified marriage unless there is a physical ailment that requires medical attention.
Our Abba Father created psychologists just as he created doctors and their research is of value but their focus on the “self” in therapy without our Abba Father is a never ending chain of experiments. Where we take issue with psychology is when the focus is directed on oneself without any deference to the Holy Spirit and power of our Abba Father’s word.
In most states, licensed psychologists are required by law to obtain written permission to introduce the subject of God in a therapy session. That should tell you all you need to know. In sanctified marriage, we glorify our Abba Father in everything we do.
Problem Areas
Please seek biblical counseling if there are love struggles in any of the following. Be especially on the lookout for idols in our lives and convert them to our Abba Father and love.
Financial Problems
The income available to a marriage is usually pretty obvious. Money problems mostly relate to spending or out of reach goals. If our Abba Father’s command to become one flesh is integral to the marriage, it is understood that goals, budgets and priorities must be brought into compromised agreement as we, us and ours. Never me or mine without agreement.
One flesh giving is how idols are abandoned or transformed into gifts of love. Dave Ramsey has a financial management program which contains excellent information about money discipline and debt management with a few Scripture verses thrown in for the church market.
A sanctified marriage will work together in financial planning. Life also contains financial tragedies but they should never dismantle a sanctified marriage that trusts and glorifies our Abba Father. Money typically defines what is possible in one flesh and allocating it can be a great one flesh booster that reveals the problems that need resolved.
Communication Problems
Sanctified marriage should never have communication problems because communication and faith are essential to becoming one flesh. Our Abba Father may well have commanded the one flesh concept to reveal and resolve communication differences. It is often the case that what needs communicated is the problem, not the ability to communicate itself.
One flesh means always being able to speak feelings in a safe harbor and conform words and thoughts to our Abba Father, not just each other and always in his plan for harmony and union. The husband has the final say but it must always glorify our Abba Father, not just be his own will. Men, Please pray on that until you get it. Strong women (Proverbs 31), please pray on that until you get it.
A thorough review of each person’s idols that need removed or converted for a successful marriage will go a long way toward developing open communication and a “safe place” to live in. We want to go back to “naked and not ashamed” in Genesis because that presentation of being open to each other with nothing hidden can be applied to everything in sanctified marriage. There can be no secrets before our Abba Father and there cannot be any with each other in sanctified marriage.
Family Problems
Our Abba Father says leave your mother and father and become one flesh. The point is to take on the world, all of it, as a team and deal with it in glory to our Abba Father and each other. There is also the command to love one another as Jesus loves us. The answer to family problems lies in both of our Abba Father’s commands with him and the marriage the first priorities. If family problems exist going into marriage, they need to be confronted and resolved, not ignored.
The marriage may have to live with family problems but with the focus on our Abba Father and glorifying him, a sanctified marriage that trusts in him will see the lessons he is delivering to them that are disguised as family problems and the couple will grow in their solutions.
Sex Problems
The first meaning of one flesh is sexual intimacy. It is our Abba Father’s magnificent gift to married people and the marriage bed is integral to marriage. Our Abba Father’s plan is that each spouse gives to the other in intimacy, not take for themselves. This will accommodate most differences in one’s own pleasure desires but our Abba Father created naked and not ashamed and if there are barriers to intimacy, they really need to be worked out in the direction of naked and not ashamed. It cannot be emphasized enough that our Abba Father wants joy, harmony and giving in the bedroom.
There are no taboos in the marriage bed in giving love but there are plenty when demanding for our me. We are called to tune in to our spouse and fit our giving to them.
Friend Problems
Our Abba Father and the marriage are the priorities. Any friend who has any negative impact on a marriage needs to be resolved in favor of the one flesh marriage. If the friend is in need and the one flesh marriage does not agree to provide, put the friend up in prayer and give them over to our Abba Father.
A friend can never be allowed to damage a marriage, ever. Too many believers are in the habit of turning away from troubled people they cannot help without really thinking of praying for them and putting them in the hands of our Abba Father. Glorify our Abba Father in all that you do.
Personality Problems
If there are personality problems before the marriage it might be a sign that you are not letting our Abba Father help you with your choice. Too many people enter into marriage hoping issues will be tolerable or go away. It will be better to wait until they go away and the point of this book is to create a process for coming to grips with personality problems. When we are glorifying our Abba Father in our marriage, we really need to glorify him with a blessed choice or none at all.
I have no data but my suspicion is that many husbands choose the wrong partner because the sex is good (eros) but over time that cannot work. And too many wives choose a man because of his ability to provide or they just want to be married and have children. Unless a godly spouse committed to a sanctified marriage is chosen, expect trouble ahead.
Expectation Problems
People often approach marriage with expectations of future visions and serious disappointment can set in when they do not happen. Our Abba Father says, “do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself” (Mat 6:34) but the real problem here is the failure to understand our relationship with him. When we lift our marriage up to him and seek to glorify him, we our building our treasure in Heaven, not here on earth. We need to be very careful when building expectations here on earth that do not trust in him because it will always be us that fails, not him.
Time Problems
Ongoing time problems are not really time problems, they are one flesh problems. One flesh means a couple working in harmony in all aspects of the marriage and time allocations are part of one flesh. Whatever is out of kilter and causing excessive time consumption to accomplish, something needs adjusted to bring the marriage back to one flesh harmony.
Addiction Problems
Drugs, alcohol and gambling abuse are all threats to the one flesh. Some couples travel the addiction road in one flesh but our Abba Father is never glorified with addiction. Never enter a marriage with someone who over serves alcohol or uses any mood altering drug or gambles beyond the one flesh amount allocated in the budget to gambling for entertainment purposes only. A marriage cannot glorify our Abba Father when we bring sin into it from this world.
Temptations in life can be very strong and very real, that is the war we enlisted for when we received Christ as our Lord and Savior. We are going to draw fire from the enemy. Our Abba Father gave us the tools we need to push back the enemy in Ephesians 6, the full armor of God. A one flesh marriage is always on the lookout for the enemy and each spouse should always have the others “6” (back). Protect your 6 with Ephesians 6!
Physical Abuse
A one flesh couple with an abusive spouse is unthinkable in a sanctified marriage. A spouse can agree to take abuse and become one flesh but not in glory to our Abba Father. A sanctified marriage is both in one flesh harmony and in glory to our Abba Father. Abuse of any kind is never acceptable and Scripture based help is mandatory.
Other Common Secular Marriage Issues
Investment in the Marriage
I see this often in conventional help resources but I can’t get my head around this concept in sanctified marriage and one flesh. Obeying and glorifying God is a 24/7/365 life and if a marriage needs “investment,” it is a sure sign of too much “me” in the union. The solution is get rid of the me and move into one flesh, not just build in a chapter of sanctified marriage.
Unforgiveness
Forgiveness has its own message because it is not one of the other fifteen types of problems in sanctified marriage and one flesh. It is fundamental to sanctified marriage.
Being There for Your Spouse
This is another one flesh issue. Life delivers curve balls that can affect each spouse differently and disrupt the unity plan of a sanctified marriage. The solution lies in adjusting the one flesh unity plan, not falling back on a “me” position. That may seem like a difference without a distinction but unless the concepts of sanctified marriage and one flesh unity are reinforced in difficult times, the godly solution is too likely to be missed and the me gains a stronghold.
The Friendship Between Spouses
Friendship between spouses is a secular concept that attempts to replace what our Abba Father created but it makes no sense in the context of sanctified marriage and one flesh unity. Friendship in secular marriage means “the not eros” part of the relationship. Instead of the one flesh unity in glorifying Abba Father of sanctified marriage, secular marriage is a triune of “eros, me and my friend,” and probably won’t survive with just eros and me. Is it any wonder such an earth-life bias concept does not work?
Inflexibility
This is a “me” issue that should be flushed out before marriage. For existing marriages moving toward sanctified marriage, the one flesh unity decisions will reveal the state of the marriage. The me cannot exist in sanctified marriage because all the me idols need converted to gifts of love or dropped and cannot be held onto.
Weak Self-Knowledge
This is another secular issue but believers live in the full range of the sanctification scale which means earth-life bias may still dominate their lives. I would venture that the vast majority of believers live at the low end of the sanctification scale (the top bar is very high) and why this book is written.
The one-flesh unity process could be the best outline for measuring self-knowledge and connecting ourself to our Abba Father there is. Just maybe our Abba Father knew what he was doing? One of the great benefits of sanctified marriage as we grow in sanctification is that the marriage automatically grows better with it. That is a real gift of our Abba Father.
